compliments

I have been getting some compliments from family members about my weight loss.  Honestly, I can't even tell yet except fot the fact I can wipe myself and my clothes are a little looser.  I have been going overboard with soda and M&Ms and gluten free sweets.  Maybe it's my subconscious missing all of those carbs that I can't have... I want to find excitement in losing some weight but I know that I really am not trying to lose weight.  Right now my focus is purely on not eating any gluten.  Yes, that keeps me from restaurants and fast food, but how much weight could I lose if I was actually trying to lose weight???? If I wasn't drinking 2 sodas a day and coffee with tons of sugar and candy...  This week I am going to work on that.  I have my binging under control and my fast food addiction is simmering below the surface instead of boiling over and making me crazy, broke and sick.  I can do today what I couldn't dream of doing for the rest of my life.  Now, time for an afternoon nap befiore work so that I can rest like I mean it.  ;)

this gluten thing.

I can't have gluten.  No bread, cake, mustard, malt vinegar, most salad dressings and candies, soy sauce, flour tortillas, pretzels, pasta, anything with wheat, rye, barley, malt, and oats.  HAHAHA.  Oh, and to make my diet complete, I also have discovered that I am lactose intolerant.  So add to the list of no-no's any ice cream, milk, cheese...  I CAN eat...  potatoes, rice, rice pasta, corn, quinoa (wtf is that?)... LMAO.  This is crazy.  No wonder I have been depressed and felt like crap most  of my life!!!  I cant eat fast food, or at any other restaurants.  God has given me some consequences to my addictions far and beyond what i have ever had before.  I no longer feel hungry all of the time.  I eat until I am full.  Yes, I get full!  I ate gluten last weekend, almost every meal and I immediately gained 6 pounds, my face broke out, I got sluggish and irritable, was in the bathroom a lot... it was awful.  I haven't had gluten since last sunday and my face is almost cleared up, I re-lost the 6 pounds and an additional 2 more, I have energy, I can focus, I am not irritable at all.  My family has one of their fun food get togethers today and regardless of their feelings, I said that we aren't going.  There is nothing that I can eat at the restaurant and I want to continue to feel healthy.  So, I am off to the apple and pork festival today.  Caramel apples are gluten free and I am taking a gluten free english muffin so that I can eat the bbq pork sandwich, just have to throw away the hamburger bun and use my english muffin. 

My son is happier, I am happier.  My grades are great, my job is still fun.  Things are going well :)

it's been a while...

I haven't journaled for a while and a lot has happened in my life.  My son turned 3 today.  We had a great big birthday party yesterday.  It was at a park and I rented a bounce house... I am trying as hard as I can to not make his birthdays 'food based' like everyone else's seem to be in my family.  A downside to that is that the adults don't stay long and they are bitchy.  Oh well, the kids have a great time running and playing and bouncing.  Not just sitting in a restaurant eating.  We did have a cookout but it was burgers, hot dogs, chicken legs, chips, watermelon and of course the birthday cake.  Happy Birthday to my most wonderful blessing from God.  :)

I have been seeing a counselor and a dietician for almost 2 months now (every other week)  they are tracking my weight and my food choices and creating a papertrail to show the surgeon in case I decide on Bariatric Surgery.  I haven't decided to do the surgery, I just want to find out what my deal is.  I did great the 3 weeks before my last weigh in and still gained 2 more pounds.  The scale just keeps going up.  I haven't binged in a month but I get fatter and fatter every day.  So, my mom is talking to me 2 weeks ago and mentions that as a baby I was lactose and gluten intolerant.  I think to myself, "self, that sounds like something to tell the dietician".  So 2 weeks ago at my appointment as I am crying that my weight is going up no matter how hard I try, I tell her about my intolerances that I had as an infant.  Her eyes got HUGE.  She smiled WIDE.  Then she clapped her hands and said "Now THAT answers a LOT of questions!!!"  I was immediately put on a gluten free diet.  (everything has gluten, by the way..)  and for 2 weeks I have been researching and pre planning meals and pre-prepping and cooking meals and eating gluten free (except for a couple times when I misread a label...)  I feel FANTASTIC.  My clothes are looser, I can clean myself after going to the bathroom, I can walk comfortably, I can breathe comfortably, I wake up happy and not tired, My heartburn is gone, I feel like I am living.  Most of all I am no longer hungry all of the time!!!!  You see, the gluten causes problems with my brush villi in my small intestines and causes a separation in the tight junctions of my cell wall.  This causes my nutrients to pass through and the bad stuff to enter my body.  Gluten is basically poisoning me!  My body was hungry for nutrients constantly!!!  The more wheat bread and wheat pasta and all of my healthy stuff that i ate, the worse my symptoms were.  I cannot process wheat, rye, barley or malt.  I haven't had fast food in almost 2 weeks, I ate at the chinese buffett twice.  Once for (you guessed it!) a family birthday get together and another time because I ate there at the birthday get together and didn't get sick.  I only ate rice noodles and picked my own hibachi grill items and sauces so I knew what was in it, fish and white rice with watermelon for dessert.  I was full, but never sick.  I can't eat anything else there. I tried the second time and askied what was in the stuffed mushrooms I loved so much and they said cheese.. I asked if there was bread of any kind and she said just cheese, crab and shrimp and spices.  So I ate them and was sick as a dog all afternoon from it. Come to find out after researching on the web, that imitation crab meat has fillers with gluten.  Now I know... That's just how it's gonna have to be until I have done this for a while. Trial and error.  But for the most part I only eat at home and I cook all of my own food.  It's hard work but it is so worth it to not feel hungry and sick ALL OF THE DAMN TIME!!!!  Thank God for my counselor that sent me to my dietician who has put a light at the end of my tunnel.  I can't wait to weigh in on wednesday.