Step One

If I admit that I am powerless over food and that my life has become unmanageable, what does that mean? 

If I am powerless over something, that means that I cannot beat it.  Or does it?  What else could it mean if I were to really think about it?  Powerless = weakness.  So maybe if I rephrased it to be I admit I have a weakness when it comes to food.  If I have a weakness then I should build strength in that area.  In order to be strong I need to exersize and practice.  If I continue to exercize and practice, I will eventually no longer be powerless.  So, I have just learned that just because I am powerless in this moment, it does not mean that I must be powerless forever.   The second part is admitting that my life has become unmanageable.  Unmanageable.  Not able to manage. Manage = oversee or supervise.  I am currently not able to oversee and be in control of my life because food oversees and controls my life.  I live to eat and plan to eat and feel guilt from eating.  I could be living a real life.  Playing with my son, wearing nice clothes, going on long bike rides and hikes, not being afraid to meet new people, not being afraid to see people that I once knew and see the looks on their faces when they finally realize who I am.  I am afraid and nervous and have very low self esteem.  I am not managing my life.  I am not managing my addiction. 

I admit that my weakness for food has been managing my life.  I want my power back.  Nobody is stopping me.  Except me.