Why must you test me so? Today I didn't feel like cooking or cleaning up afterwards. My son had the flu all week and now I don't feel very well either. So, I know! How about ordering greasy, fat filled, artery clogging, horrible for you PIZZA! Surely that will make me feel SO much better!!! So, I spent 20 dollars I can't really afford and ate 3 smallish pieces and two buttery, garlic-y breadsticks. Now it will be in the fridge ruining my efforts until it's gone. Why did I buy it? It sounded so much better than it tastes. Well, maybe the breadsticks were as good as they sounded... The worst part of this feeding frenzy that I wasn't well enough to complete as I had planned is that before I ordered the pizza, I put a halved, fresh squash in the oven. So now my squash is sitting in the pan, fully cooked, on top of the stove, waiting for me to put it away. Even with good intentions I fail. Hmmmm... There is obviously something mental going on here. I have lost over a hundred pounds before and I know it is all mental. The entire weight loss/gain saga is a mental journey. Why don't I believe I am good enough to be healthy? I obsess about losing weight. However, I never actually try more than two weeks at a time. Sometimes the trying I actually do is only halfhearted. I feel helpless sometimes. Other times I don't think I look like what I actually look like. It has to be denial or something. I am totally shocked when I accidentally see a full body shot of me in a glass door or window or picture. Obviously I wouldn't have an actual full length mirror. That would be insanity! No need to dwell on the mess that would bring...
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